For many, Christmas is sleigh bells, mistletoe, eggnog and presents – in other words, it’s all Ho!, Ho!, Ho!. For others it’s the hardest time of the year. If you are in the second camp – and you are wondering if you have the energy to make it to January – keep reading. If you are in the first group, keep reading as well, because you need to know how hard this time of year is for many around you. It took me an embarrassingly long time to grasp the level of pain December brings. Thankfully, at some point I realized that that something lay behind the spike in pastoral emergencies we face every time this year – e.g., domestic violence, marital breakdowns, suicides, drug and alcohol abuse, etc.What’s going on? Why are Christmas and New Year so difficult for so many? Here are a few of the reasons:
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- The Absence of a Loved One: The first Christmas without someone you love – a spouse, parent, child, sibling, good friend – is very hard. You remember all the previous Christmases you spent together.
- Unrealistic Expectations: Marketers go into hyper-drive this time of year persuading us that buying the right kind of gifts, serving the right kind of food or wearing the right item of clothing will create the ideal holiday. Some (many?) buy just a bit of that hype and consequently set themselves up for disappointment.
- Ghosts of Christmas Past: Many people have bad memories about previous holidays – and this isn’t just about the year they didn’t get the pony, but more likely the year Mom and Dad were stressed out (or drank too much), or they experienced a bit too much attention from Uncle Frank, or whatever.
- Assessment: As busy at it is, Christmas is one of the few times when people assess their life, if for no other reason than to write a Christmas letter. It’s often at this moment that people realize that they are not making the kind of progress in life that they had hoped they would.
- Financial stress: It is easy for parents to spend more than they can afford to get their kids the perfect gift. Unfortunately the joy they felt when presents were being opened is often undone when the credit card bills arrive.
There are other reasons as well – such as the sheer busyness of most of December. But I expect you understand the problem. Is there a more sane approach? Yes. And the steps forward are simple enough for you to see if you step back and look – e.g., acknowledge your grief, keep expectations in check, spend less, etc. I am not going to insult you by listing things that are common sense, nor am I going to tell you what you expect to hear: focus more on Christ’s birth and less on Santa. You know all that. Instead, let me push three different solutions:
Worship with Others: If you are sad, join with others who are also blue and focus on Christ. We have a Hope for the Holidays service specifically designed for those who are struggling.
Sabbath Rest: I have not said much about Sabbath rest before because I do it poorly. But this is an area where I am trying to grow because I am convinced that the faster life moves the more intentional we have to be in slowing it down.
Serve: As counter-intuitive as this may seem, one of the great things to do when you are stressed is serve the less fortunate. It has a way of right-sizing life and life’s problems.
Merry Christmas.