A friend’s son recently turned 18. In celebration – and in light of the absence of any culturally recognized rite of passage marking the transition from boys to men – my friend gathered a group of his friends together to help usher his son into manhood. I’ve not spent much time with the new 18 year old, but I was among a dozen men who contributed a letter to the event. In the immortal words of Hugh Latimer, I encouraged him to “play the man.”
Dear XYZ:
Happy B-Day.
Life events have limited our time together. In fact, I’ve seen so little of you in the last few years that I still think of you as a skinny, 4’ 10”, 80 lb seventh grader. I hear you are bigger than that. In fact, I hear you can now throw your Dad around when you want to. If I were there I’d make some jokes about how even a 4’10” seventh grader could do that, point out that he is only a bi-athlete, etc., etc. But since I’m not, let me set the banter aside.
Here, as briefly as a pastor can express himself, are a few key points:
- You have a decision ahead of you. There is a bridge to cross. On one side you are a boy and on the other side you’re a man. There are lots of things that make it hard to cross the bridge. For starters, many now not only argue that you shouldn’t cross the bridge, they deny that it exists. The men gathered around you tonight know that it does and want to encourage you to walk across it. The choice is yours.
- Now is the time. There is nothing wrong with being a muddy, carefree, fun-loving, rough-housing boy…. when you are eight, ten, twelve or even sixteen years old. In fact, seeing young boys acting like carefree boys is a wonderful thing. But what’s appropriate when you are 16 is not when you are 20. I meet 40 and 50 year old boys every day. They shave, father children and play with expensive toys. In many ways they look like real men – but they are not. They are just boys who shave. You don’t want to head down that path. Now’s the time to cross the bridge. It’s a great thing to see an 18 year old begin to think, talk and act like a man. Now’s the time.
- Jesus is the ultimate man, follow him. There are many ways to define manhood. Some will tell you that you are not a man until you: take a certain dare, get drunk, “have” a woman, etc. That’s all nonsense. If you want to know what a real man looks like, look at Jesus. He is the perfect man. And by comparing his life with that of Adam, you will note four critical differences. These play out as four qualities of a man. A real man: 1) rejects passivity; 2) accepts responsibility; 3) leads with courage; and 4) trusts God for the greater reward.
- Listen to your Dad. You are fortunate to have some great models besides Jesus. Your Dad is one. The men around the table are others. They have much to teach you. Pay close attention.
This is a big step. Cross the bridge! Happy Birthday.
Mike Woodruff