Growing up, a friend of mine (Steve Darby) used to say, “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.” I’d like to modify that statement. “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my balance the most.” It is getting better. Yesterday, I jogged for the first time. But that sounds better than reality. I was hooked into a harness that kept me from falling over, and what I discovered is, just like riding a bike, it’s easier to go fast than to go slow. I can now run better than I can walk. The good news is that I am making progress. My Berg balance score went from a 17 to a 30. My therapist says an increase of 6 points is considered significant, so a gain of 13 is really good news. But, again, that sounds better than reality. I’m still at a significant risk to fall. FYI, I also increased my 6 minute distance from 204 feet to over 1,100 feet. But that’s still a little short of a mile, and a mile is my 6 minute goal. I’m pushing for a full recovery. (Perhaps better than before. It’s been a while since I ran a mile. I might not have been able to do a six minute mile before the stroke).
It strikes me that my time here at the stroke rehab center is a bit like a mission trip. On probably 25-30 occasions I’ve gone somewhere–Africa, the Middle East, India, etc.–for 3-4 weeks of ministry work. Those are life-changing experiences, but I’ve always been quick to get back on the plane and head home. Effective short-term mission trips leave us seeing everything differently. I’m very anxious to get out of here, but I’m very hopeful that this experience will leave me seeing everything differently. But don’t miss my point. It’s far easier to do short term work than make missions a career. The real heroes are not those who spend 3-4 weeks in difficult situations, the real heroes are those who serve there for long periods of time.
One more thought concerning my lack of balance. My brain thinks I’m falling to the right, so I’m forever leaning to the left. Therapists strap weights onto my right side and stand me in front of a mirror so that I can see that I’m standing up vertical, but as soon as I’m left to my own sense of up and down, I go flying to the left. My internal gyroscope is off. Consequently, it doesn’t matter what I see, things feel wrong. And my internal sense of right and wrong overrides reality. I’m struck by how accurate of a metaphor this is for many of us–our view of the world (e.g. politics, economics, theology)–is wrong. But even when someone shows us the plumbline of truth, we don’t trust it. Our internal gyroscope skews the way we see everything. May we all find True North!