More Progress
Independence: I’m a bi-ped again. Last Friday Austin was walking me around the block – dutifully standing on my left side, extending his right arm for me to hold on to for balance – when I decided to let go. I had managed to walk a few feet here and there, but I was not supposed to walk alone, so it was only when no one was looking. I’m happy to report that I finished the walk (1/3 of a mile) on my own two feet. Progress! Lest you over-expect, two days ago, when I mentioned to my physical therapist that I was thinking of having someone take me to the beach so I could try running in the sand – where I wouldn’t get hurt if I fell – she said that it had been quite a while since she’s heard such a bad idea.
A Visit by Sean Logan: On Saturday AM Nathan LeMahieu brought Sean Logan by our home so we could visit. As you may know, Sean – who attends the HP campus with his wife (Jeannie) and kids – had a stroke a couple years ago. In fact, his was also precipitated by an arterial dissection as mine was. Sean has walked down the “post-stroke” path for a few years now and had some valuable words of encouragement and insight for me. Being a stroke-survivor is a fraternity you do not want to join, but I’m very glad for those who have paved the way. Sean’s comments were clearly the by-product of much thought and prayer.
Survivor’s Guilt: One of the things Sheri and I have talked about is the unease we feel over how quickly I am recovering. Do not get me wrong. We are very thankful for every step in the right direction – and attribute my progress to good things (great medical care, loving friends, the prayer of God’s people) but it’s hard to be around lots of other people who are not as fortunate. We are enormously blessed and want to find ways to help those whose recovery is not as complete or rapid.
Before I sign out, let me leave you with a great quote from my reading today. I am thrilled to be reading again, and glad to be able to pass along quotes like this. It’s from Tim Keller.
The gospel, if it is really believed, removes neediness – the need to be constantly respected, appreciated, and well regarded; the need to have everything in your life go well; the need to have power over others. All of these great, deep needs continue to control you only because the concept of the glorious God delighting in you with all His being is just that – a concept and nothing more. Our hearts don’t believe it, so they operate in default mode. Paul is saying that if you want to really change, you must let the gospel teach you – that is to train, discipline, coach you – over a period of time. You must let the gospel argue with you. You must let the gospel sink down deeply into your heart, until it changes your motivation and views and attitudes.
Press On,
Mike
Catching Up
It’s been a few days. My apologies. Now that I’m out of the hospital I’m not lying around all day with little to do. Most of the news is quite good. Let me back up and fill you in.
- Freedom: As just noted, last Wed I was discharged from the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago. I was a bit nervous about the ride home – I have heard that driving in a car again can be very unsettling – but I’m pleased to announce that I’m no more lightheaded or dizzy in the car than out! (Let me assure you. I am a passenger in cars these days. I am not driving).
- Thursday: On Thursday morning I showed up at the church for a brief meeting with some key elders, deacons and staff. They have allowed me to be blissfully disengaged from the church, but I was anxious to get an update on several fronts. I then meet with the rest of the staff to check-in, pray and share lunch. It was all very encouraging.
- Friday: On Friday afternoon I started my Outpatient Rehab Therapy at RIC Northbrook. I will be going three times a week for three hours at a time. Friday night we went out to dinner as a family to celebrate: 1) Ben’s graduation from College (he graduated with a media degree from North Park University with honors; 2) my release from rehab. (We were both overjoyed to have some new freedom).
- Saturday: On Saturday AM Austin and I “competed” in the Ruth Caudle Renew Hope 5K charity run at St. Mary’s Park. We set no records (it was a 20 minute per mile pace) but we finished. I appreciated the aid Austin provided walking alongside me the whole way letting me lean on him so I wouldn’t fall. (We are registered for a 7 mile race at the end of July. I first ran this race in high school back in 1978. I’ve done it close to 20 times since then. Given my ability to complete a 5K now I think I can walk (jog?) 7 miles in late July. We’ll see. Having never had a stroke before I’m not sure what kind of progress I can expect). BTW, on Sat PM Sheri and showed up for about 30 minutes at the Community dinner after the service. It was great to see people and I’m looking for ways to ease back in.
- Other: The rest of the holiday weekend was pretty low key. Lots of family. A few walks around the block Some extended phone calls with old friends. On Monday I read through all of my get-well cards. I received notes from friends, churches, small groups, children, etc. I have never doubted the massive amount of prayer support I have received. It was fun to read the kind notes. Thanks to all of you who have written or prayed!
- My Dad: Five minutes ago I learned that my Dad was also released from the hospital. He’s been in isolation unit for the last five weeks because he’s had no white blood cells. (At one point we Skyped and were amused to see that we were wearing identical green hospital gowns.) His blood work started improving late last week. Over the weekend he was able to get out of his room and take a real shower. He is hoping / praying that the latest round of chemo will allow him a good summer so he can travel and visit grandkids, etc.)
That’s about it. I am still sleeping a lot, but I do feel the energy and drive coming back. I’m channeling some of that passion into work for the fall series, which I’m getting very excited about.
Press On,
Mike
Mike’s Monthly Newsletter – May
Dear Christ Church Family,
I usually try to send out my monthly letter at the first of the month, but as I suspect you’ve heard, God had other plans. The good news is: I’m now back home. My Spontaneous Cerebral Arterial Dissection (and subsequent stroke) took place on Good Friday. I spent a few hours in Lake Forest Hospital, a week in neuro-ICU at Northwestern Hospital, another week at Northwestern and then nearly three weeks at the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago. I’m very glad to say that the stroke did not affect my memory or cognitive abilities but it did leave me with some deficits. The chief one is balance. I lean left pretty hard. It’s getting better but it will take more time before my brain rewires itself and I can easily stand up straight. (FYI, I am able to walk and stand, but it’s a long way from normal). Enough about me!
Today, I spent a couple of hours visiting with staff. We have a great team and they have done an excellent job in my absence. I do not think they missed a beat.
- Last weekend, 550 volunteers packed over 200,000 meals for the hungry in Nicaragua.
- Many of you also served on the HOGS service day last Saturday.
- We continue to work on some the homes that our members have purchased in North Chicago in order to expand ministry there.
- You continue to invite your friends and neighbors to weekly services and we are excited to introduce them to God.
- I heard great reports of how our church family came together last weekend for the Long family.
You are the church and I am very excited that we continue to transform lives and communities in His name.
Now that I am home…what does this mean?
- We continue to look for ways to lean more fully into our mission to Proclaim the Good News and Engage in Good Works – including expanding the church by adding another location.
- We continue to look for ways to serve those in need – especially in North Chicago.
- I am working hard on the fall series – tentatively entitled Broken.
- I am working hard on my remaining recovery – FYI, I start outpatient therapy 3 days a week starting tomorrow.
Please mark your calendars for our annual meeting which will be held on June 22 at 4:00 pm at the Highland Park campus. This is our NEW fiscal year end so we will be voting on new elders and deacons, providing the “state of the union” and asking for fiscal 2014-2015 budget approval. As we approach our fiscal year end, you may have noticed that we are $250,000 in the red. While we have been managing expenses, we want to continue to do the good works we have been called to do. We prayerfully ask that you consider helping us make up this shortfall.
Finally, while I will not be speaking this summer, we have lined up a great set of speakers including Skye Jethani, Bob Thomas, Dan Myer and more!
I look forward to seeing all of you soon.
Press On,
Mike
Free at Last!
In 24 hours I am busting out! I can’t wait.
I had no idea when I was wheeled onto an ambulance back on Good Friday that it would be nearly 5 weeks before I went home. But it’s almost here.
FYI, my rehab is ongoing. I will start outpatient therapy on Friday, mostly for balance.
There is some more good news. I’m not only going home tomorrow – a few days ahead of schedule – but I am being sent home without any aids. The initial plan was that I’d return in a wheel chair. Then they said I’d have a walker. Now they are saying I’m going home without anything – not even a cane. I’m a bit surprised. My Berg Balance score is now a 40 (up from 17 week one and 30 week two) but my walking is not normal – I look a lot like Boris Karloff.
My prayer requests remain: 1) for the ability to read easily again (I can read, but it gives me a headache); 2) for a sense of balance; 3) that I would be a good steward of this event
Press On,
Mike
Another good day
Another good day with several highlights and one observation.
I had a chance to jog today. As I said about an earlier run, it sounds better than it is. I’m in a safety harness, so I can’t fall, which I likely would do without it. But I got to run about 2.5 miles, and worked up a real sweat.
Today I saw a neuro-optometrist. My eyes are both fine, but they’re not cooperating with each other right now. I wish they would. When they don’t get along, I get a headache. The good news is, he has a solution. The bad news is, I suspect I’m going to have coke-bottle glasses for a while.
Jason Surber came to visit. A year ago, Jason-who was one of the cardboard testimonies at Easter- had a stroke. I visited Jason at this very rehab center almost a year ago. Today he visited me. He was down for his 1-year checkup, and he brought me the two thing I told him (back when he visited me in the ICU) I was looking forward to: a steak, and a glass of cold water. It’s obvious from the reception he received from the therapists that he’s one of their favorite former patients.
The observation. I’m stepping back into the driver’s seat of my life. This is not a good thing. I’ve enjoyed a very sweet dependence on Christ over the last few weeks. I feel that slipping away a bit. I don’t think it must, and I’m doing my best to stop it. But it’s clear to me, that the challenge of running or regaining my balance is nothing compared to the daily challenged of abiding in Christ with the kind of utter dependence I’ve had over the last few weeks.
Press On,
Mike
Random Thoughts
Growing up, a friend of mine (Steve Darby) used to say, “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.” I’d like to modify that statement. “Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my balance the most.” It is getting better. Yesterday, I jogged for the first time. But that sounds better than reality. I was hooked into a harness that kept me from falling over, and what I discovered is, just like riding a bike, it’s easier to go fast than to go slow. I can now run better than I can walk. The good news is that I am making progress. My Berg balance score went from a 17 to a 30. My therapist says an increase of 6 points is considered significant, so a gain of 13 is really good news. But, again, that sounds better than reality. I’m still at a significant risk to fall. FYI, I also increased my 6 minute distance from 204 feet to over 1,100 feet. But that’s still a little short of a mile, and a mile is my 6 minute goal. I’m pushing for a full recovery. (Perhaps better than before. It’s been a while since I ran a mile. I might not have been able to do a six minute mile before the stroke).
It strikes me that my time here at the stroke rehab center is a bit like a mission trip. On probably 25-30 occasions I’ve gone somewhere–Africa, the Middle East, India, etc.–for 3-4 weeks of ministry work. Those are life-changing experiences, but I’ve always been quick to get back on the plane and head home. Effective short-term mission trips leave us seeing everything differently. I’m very anxious to get out of here, but I’m very hopeful that this experience will leave me seeing everything differently. But don’t miss my point. It’s far easier to do short term work than make missions a career. The real heroes are not those who spend 3-4 weeks in difficult situations, the real heroes are those who serve there for long periods of time.
One more thought concerning my lack of balance. My brain thinks I’m falling to the right, so I’m forever leaning to the left. Therapists strap weights onto my right side and stand me in front of a mirror so that I can see that I’m standing up vertical, but as soon as I’m left to my own sense of up and down, I go flying to the left. My internal gyroscope is off. Consequently, it doesn’t matter what I see, things feel wrong. And my internal sense of right and wrong overrides reality. I’m struck by how accurate of a metaphor this is for many of us–our view of the world (e.g. politics, economics, theology)–is wrong. But even when someone shows us the plumbline of truth, we don’t trust it. Our internal gyroscope skews the way we see everything. May we all find True North!
Happy Mother’s Day!
STROKE AS A CAREER MOVE?
About a week ago, Sheri mentioned that this stroke may help me be a more compassionate pastor. I think she’s right. There’s nothing like getting knocked helpless to make you appreciate the plight of those who are struggling. As I’ve said before, I see God’s hand in this. I’m thankful that I had this stroke when I did. Lord willing, I still have 20-25 years of active ministry ahead of me. I’m not sure this was a good “career move”, but I do think it will help make me a better pastor during the next couple decades. Pray to that end.
THANKFUL FOR CHRIST’S COMPLETED WORK
On a related topic, both Sheri and I have been talking about where our hope lies. We believe it is with God. But the truth is, we’ve never had a moment where we didn’t think I’d get well. This challenge has been significant, but we’ve always viewed it as a temporary setback. Would we be so confident in God’s goodness if we wondered if I’d ever work again? Walk again? Talk again? We’d like to think so, and we’re not going to beat ourselves up second-guessing our motivations. We’re aware of how layered our brokenness is. It’s not just that my body is broken, but our souls are as well. We’re sinners. The great news is everything that’s necessary for our ultimate redemption has been accomplished by Christ on the cross.
A GREAT SUNDAY AFTERNOON
By the way, today my sister and her husband came over from the Quad Cities to join Sheri, Austin, Ben, and I for a Gino’s East pizza picnic outside of my rehab center. They then wheeled me over to a local track and, with significant help, I walked a quarter of a mile on the track.
My progress is slow, but steady.
Press on,
Mike
Progress
Have you every been so frustrated that you felt like crying?
In The Silver Chair, one of C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, Jill is reduced to tears. She goes to her room and cries for a while and then, in vintage fashion, Lewis writes, “Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.”
I wasn’t reduced to tears today but I started to get frustrated and feel sorry for myself. At one point during an aerobics class I was struck by how much I had lost. Let me be clear. Through no merit of my own, I am in better shape than 90% of the people in this rehab facility. And I’m seeing great progress–every day I’m getting stronger and better. But during that aerobics class I was struck by how much ability I had lost and I wanted to quit. But I remembered Lewis’ line and I thought: “So what if I quit this class and go off and sulk. What does that accomplish? At some point I have to figure out what I am going to do. At some point I have to face these challenges that lie ahead and work through them.
I frequently quote the Apostle Paul’s admonition to “Press on”. It comes from Philippians 3:15-21 where we are told to “press on towards the GOAL for the prize of the higher calling of God in Christ Jesus”. It’s when we don’t want to press on but when we need to. The changes that we want to see in our lives are always the result of the grace of God. We cannot change our heart in the right way on our own. But we are not passive in the process. Sometimes we need to bring some tenacity.
“Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.” Let’s decide that we want to get better.
Press on,
Mike
Cheeseburger in “Paradise”
Today was a tough day at the gym. I got pushed pretty hard in physical therapy. The highlight was being put in a safety harness and being allowed to walk on a treadmill. My swallowing is pretty much back to normal, but my balance is still off. I still fall hard to the left. I’m not making a political, theological, or social statement here, I’m saying I literally fall to the left. But therapy is helping. I can already see my brain rewiring itself.
I was struck today by the fact that the more I learn about anything–e.g. the human brain–the more amazing I realize God is. He is more brilliant, more beautiful, and more wonderful than we can imagine, and watching my body recover is a great reminder of that.
Go Hawks!
Mike